


Hunger for Shelter

by booktick



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Falling In Love, Guilt, Inner Dialogue, M/M, Mentions of BJ Hunnicutt/Peg Hunnicutt, Mentions of Peg Hunnicutt, OR IS IT, One-Sided Attraction, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 10:34:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18569659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booktick/pseuds/booktick
Summary: He's not sure how or when he fell for him.





	Hunger for Shelter

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of this franchise.
> 
> A/N: Past tense, present tense, every tense.

* * *

He's not sure how or when he fell for him. Maybe it was when he saw loud Hawk laughed, the way Hawk lurched forward and had to clutch his stomach from laughing so hard. Or maybe it was the way Hawk always seemed to be there even when he didn't ask him to be.

It was like a big blur of all these moments, tossed into the bowl and consumed all at once. A bowl of Hawkeye--sort of sounded nice. Hawkeye was really something else though. The guy never seemed to have an off button, everything was set on go for as long as possible until he passed out on his cot. There was that one occasion though, where BJ woke up to find one Hawkeye Pierce curled up beside him, fast asleep. 

He had barely been aware it was Hawk in the first place, being how late it was and how dark the Swamp had grown. His nose was pressed against Hawk's hair at first until he pulled back some, Hawk murmuring and turning so his back was to him. BJ had willed his body to resist reacting, and it listened...for a moment. Hawk had his back to him, pushed up against him for warmth probably.

He nearly choked on his own spit. The heat had immediately rushed to his thighs and face, all at once, and he slowly, carefully laid his head back down on the pillow. It took a while to get back to sleep, by the time he woke again Hawk was gone.

He never really was sure if Hawkeye was aware he knew or not. A deeply buried hope inside him, sort of liked the idea of Hawkeye knowing full well what that did to him. On the other hand, the panic and dread that was also buried deep inside, was fighting to get out. What if Hawk thought it was...funny? Or just a game between friends? He had no clue how things were done in Crabapple Cove, Maine but he knew San Francisco. 

The shame that washed over him after doubting Hawk's feelings towards him never really left. No matter how many times he stuck his toes into the showers, or how many times he put on his boots. He knew the guy saw him as an ally, as a friend but BJ was never sure how far it truly extended. He wanted to believe this wasn't irrational. He didn't want to think that Hawk would...that Hawk was the sort of person to...not _understand_. Hell, this was a war he was in the middle of and he was sitting on his cot day in, day out thinking about kissing or not kissing one of his bunk mates.

Jeez louise, it was such a mess.

Hawkeye meant more to him than he ever wrote in his letters but he was sure Peg knew. Her little comments, sly suggestions and the way her eyes stared back at him in the pictures she sent. It all rattled his bones each time. As a doctor, that probably should have concerned him. As BJ Hunnicutt, it...well, it sort of was a thrill. Still a bit of a mess, sure, but a thrill. He wasn't sure what he would have done if Peggy didn't like Hawk. Peg was his best friend, same as Hawk. 

The next time he sees Hawk, he immediately thinks of Peg. What would she suggest he do...not do? But Hawk's too busy eating what maybe passes as breakfast. He figures they're lucky to be eating at all with how many times they've had to run to the OR. As his own food grows cold, he keeps his eyes on his fellow doctor--a bit too long as Hawk's asked a question and is waiting on an answer. Of course Beej hasn't heard the question at all.

His eyebrows shot up, "Huh?" It's hard not to let his mouth hang open like that, drool starting to form probably. 

"I said," Hawk takes the time to push his meal aside so he can make room for the emphasis "Do I got something on my face? You keep staring."

"Oh-" BJ blinks away the daze he's in (he hopes) "No, no. You look...fine."

"I look fine?" 

"Great. You look great." He nods.

Hawkeye stares back at him for a few breaths and awkward tension before rolling his eyes. BJ's never been more relieved. He watches as Haqk pulls his tray up from the table and walks off, waving a hand in the air as he goes, "You look fine. You look great, he says! The observant and detailed Dr. Hunnicutt."

He isn't sure if it's a jab or Hawk teasing or both. Regardless, the remark settles between BJ's ribs. He scratches his side before tossing his own breakfast, soon returning to work. Hawk doesn't question him OR or Post-OP about their conversation, or lack thereof. It shouldn't bother him. It should be a good think Hawkeye didn't press the issue further. BJ should be okay with that. He doesn't want anything to disrupt...whatever this was, what he and Hawk...had here.

It's almost time for bed when he sees Hawk drag his boots into the Swamp, if there really is a _time_ for bed. Probably should be called anywhere, anytime. 

"Hey, Hawk," Beej was already under his blanket, back to his fellow doctor, eyes far too interested in the ground "You just getting in?"

"Huh? Oh...yeah."

There was a pause, a hesitation, and for a moment BJ wants to turn and confess it all. But he can't do  _that_ to Hawkeye, not to his best friend, not to Dr. Pierce. So, he shuts his eyes and swallowed the fear and the damn guilt all in one. His fingers tightened on his pillow, both of his hands slid under to hide his wedding ring. 

It's lips to his cheek, right under his eye that makes him forget he needs to breathe, "Sleep tight, okay, Beej?" Hawk's voice was so soft, like the words were a secret shared between just them.

He opened his eyes, to look over his shoulder but Hawkeye smiled down at him. His hair is ruffled by all too familiar fingers before Hawk turned away and headed back to his own cot. BJ wonders how he remembers how to breathe since his heart was currently in his throat. He laid back down after a long moment, on his back this time. Hawk...kissed him. Maybe not on the lips but...Hawk kissed him goodnight, just like Peg.

 _Wow_...


End file.
